Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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