i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As shirtless as possible
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
