Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
