just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
