i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
