I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
