i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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