i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
