IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
