Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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