apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
