I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize