Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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