I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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