is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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