Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
