The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
