fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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