There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
