I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
