That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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