after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
