He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
