Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
