Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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