u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
