All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize