I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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