Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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