I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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