my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
