forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Panties = found
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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