I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
