You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
