I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
