I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
