On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
