I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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