Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
