How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
