He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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