Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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