Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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