Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
