I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
