What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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