I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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