I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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