There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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