Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
