Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
