Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
