I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
