How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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