lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
