five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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