Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
