I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Everyone says I win the strip club
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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