I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ugly people sure do ruin things
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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