Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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