My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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