Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
not ubering you a puppy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
