and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
