i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
