yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
