I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
