OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
