We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
