Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
